Film: “The Lavender Hill Mob” (1951), starring Alec Guinness

In the Victorian era, the Lavender Hill Battersea neighborhood in London was famous for its lavender fields and distilleries. In 1950, it was the site of a famous armed heist of gold bullion that convulsed Great Britain. The thieves were nicknamed the “Lavender Hill Mob.”

This in turn inspired “The Lavender Hill Mob,” a 1951 caper film that in terms of wit and sheer bollocks, beats the trousers off any modern-day movie of its kind.

Alec Guinness (long before his “Star Wars” days) plays Holland, a mousy London bank clerk who for twenty years was in charge of gold bullion deliveries. Deciding he’d had enough of living poor, he devises a scheme to steal a consignment of gold. Only thing he’s missing is a way to sell it, as the black market in Britain would be too risky, and he doesn’t yet know how to smuggle it abroad.

As luck would have it, Holland learns that Pendlebury (Stanley Holloway), a neighbor in his rooming house, owns a foundry that makes souvenirs that are sold in holiday destinations, one of which is Paris. The two men decide to heist the gold bars from the van, melt them down into tacky Eiffel Tower souvenirs, and smuggle them out of the country past unsuspecting customs officials.

The two men—who consider themselves “honest men” at heart—realize they don’t have the skills to do this alone. So they recruit two experienced criminals, Lackery Wood (Sidney James) and “Shorty” Fisher (Alfie Bass)—in a plot that involves distracting the police by a) riding a broken down bicycle and b) posing as sidewalk sketch artists. By the time the theft is discovered, the gold bullion—in the form of the tacky souvenirs— is already en route to Paris, followed by the thieves themselves.

Once in Paris, complications develop, which threaten to undermine their plans. This leads to a vertiginous descent on foot down the stairs of the Eiffel Tower that will make your head spin. When the pair is back in England, the bobbies catch on to the thieves, which leads to a car chase that will undermine any lasting respect you have for Scotland Yard.

“Mob” is one of the famous Ealing comedies, shot during the post-WW II era when the Brits were tired of wartime restrictions and simply wanted to have a laugh. Guinness (Oscar nomination for Best Actor) and Holloway demonstrate their usual gift of comic understatement. Matched with a literate script by T.E.B. Clarke (Oscar winner for best writing) and direction by Charles Crichton, it’s a jolly good show.

And if you plan to watch this wonderful film (currently at Film Forum), or you stream it, do pay close attention during the first five minutes. You’ll see a cameo of a promising young actress. Her name? Audrey Hepburn.

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